parker088

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im a complicated being.
im partially insane.
i havent quite figured myself out.
i can read people like a book.
i have a way with words.
i prefer the company of books to people.
im not really shy.
i just dont like talking to most people.
i am however, a great listener.
im the go-to guy if you have a problem.
im really open if i decide to let myself be.
im hopelessly in love with love.
im somewhat of an artist.
i sometimes act like a little kid.
the prince charming in all those childhood stories....yeah that was me.
unfortunately, that's not what most people want.

a few have recently asked me what i want in a girl.
at first i didn't know what to say
then i really thought about it.
i want to meet a girl as insane as me,
that can figure me out
who will put forth as much effort into it as i will
i want a girl that i can fall in love with, and stay in love with
i don't want to be just a novelty
i want to be able to go as deep as i want
and it be so perfect that i don't have to try to hard
that what ever she desires, i do, just because i want to
i want a girl who will make me want to become a better me
that will become as obsessed with me as i am with her
i want perfection

most of all.
i want proof that im not alone.
that there really is someone who can understand me.

Connect. Perhaps we spend to much time connecting with other people. Of course human interaction is required, but at some point I think we lost a sense of self. Maybe it is just me. It sounds strange, but sometimes I spend so much time in my head when I look in the mirror I’m surprised about who I see. I suppose this example is less about losing grip on myself, than it is on “reality.” That makes me sound crazy. Maybe I am. The idea of sitting down and completely analyzing myself feels overwhelming. Taking into account everything I do, my quirks, nervous ticks. I don’t think I can do it. There is a quote I have seen a few times, “I feel as if I met myself I would hate me.” I think that would be true. I am a hypocrite. I am mostly okay with who I am, but I know if I were to meet someone like me, I would find conflict. Although, chances are, I would be to anti-social to talk to myself. On both ends. Hah. So often we hear the wish of being able to read peoples mind. Frequently it shows how overwhelming this would be. Trying to balance your own thoughts and the minds of people around you would be murder.

I pause.

Looking back, re-reading what I have written so far. I lied. I’m not entirely okay with myself. I am okay with who I want to be.

Its hard to imagine an entire day in someone else’s shoes. The complexity of my own mind alone is hard to put together fluidly. Perhaps that will be a new goal, to really understand someone. We’ll see.